Supporting Someone Who's Experienced a Loss by Suicide: A Compassionate Guide

Experiencing the loss of a loved one to suicide is a profoundly painful and complex experience. The grief that can follow a death by suicide is unique and often carries feelings of confusion, guilt, anger, and deep sorrow. As a suicide loss survivor, we are all too familiar with the unique challenges that grief following death by suicide brings. We are also all too familiar with how the support required may look and be different from other types of grief. If you know someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, you may feel unsure of how to offer support or what to say. This guide provides some compassionate and practical ways to support someone who is grieving a loss by suicide.

1. Acknowledge the Loss

The first and most important step in supporting someone who has lost a loved one to suicide is to acknowledge the loss. Many people avoid talking about suicide due to discomfort or fear of saying the wrong thing, but ignoring the loss can make the grieving individual feel more isolated. A simple acknowledgment can show that you are aware of their pain and that you care.

2. Listen Without Judgment

Grieving a loss by suicide can bring up a complicated mix of emotions. Your friend or loved one may express feelings of guilt, anger, confusion, or even relief. It is important to provide a non-judgmental space where they feel safe to express their feelings openly. You don't need to have the right words or offer solutions; just being there and listening can be incredibly meaningful.

3. Avoid Platitudes

Avoid using phrases like "everything happens for a reason," "they are in a better place now," or "you need to move on." These kinds of statements, while often well-intentioned, can minimize the person's grief or make them feel misunderstood. Instead, validate their feelings by saying things like, "I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but I'm here for you."

4. Offer Practical Support

Grief can be overwhelming and even simple daily tasks can feel insurmountable. Offer practical support; such as preparing meals, helping with household chores, or running errands. You might say, "I'm going to the grocery store—can I pick anything up for you?" Be specific in your offers rather than saying, "Let me know if you need anything," which can feel too vague for someone who is grieving.

5. Ask About Their Loved One

Many people grieving a loss by suicide want to talk about their loved one but may feel that others are uncomfortable with the topic. Encourage them to share memories and stories.  You can gently prompt with questions like, "What was your favorite memory with them?" or "I’d love to learn more about them, could you talk about some of their interests?" This helps keep the memory of their loved one alive and provides comfort in their grief.

6. Be Patient

Grief is not a linear process and it has no set timeline. There may be days when your loved one seems to be coping well and other days when the pain is overwhelming. Be patient with their process and let them know that you are available for them, no matter how much time has passed since the loss. Regular check-ins like simple text saying "Thinking of you," can mean a lot.

7. Encourage Professional Help If Needed

While it is important to be there for your loved one, it is also essential to recognize when professional help may be necessary. Grieving a loss by suicide can lead to complicated grief, depression, anxiety, and/or PTSD. Encourage your loved one to seek support from a mental health professional if they are struggling to cope. 

8. Educate Yourself About Suicide and Grief

Educating yourself about suicide and the unique challenges of grieving a loss by suicide can help you provide better support. Understanding the common feelings and experiences that accompany this type of grief—such as guilt, blame, and stigma—can help you empathize more deeply with your loved one and avoid unintentionally hurtful comments.

9. Respect Their Privacy and Boundaries

Grief is a deeply personal experience and everyone processes it differently. Respect your loved one's need for privacy or solitude if they express it. Let them take the lead in their grieving process and assure them that you are there for them whenever they are ready.

In a death by suicide many people are often curious about the means of death however do not ask the method in which their loved one died. Doing so can be retraumatizing for some and often feels very invasive. In other types of death it is not the norm to request specific details and the same should be true for a death by suicide. If the individual wants to share more details that is their right and choice. 

10. Remember That Grief Doesn’t End

Finally, remember that grief doesn’t have an expiration date. The loss of a loved one to suicide is something that a person carries with them for the rest of their life. Anniversaries, birthdays, and other significant dates can be particularly difficult. Continue to offer your support long after the initial shock of the loss has passed. Simple gestures like sending a card, making a phone call, or planning a visit around these times can provide comfort and remind them they are not alone.

Supporting someone who has lost a loved one to suicide is about being present, offering a listening ear, and showing compassion. Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers or say the perfect thing—your presence and willingness to support your loved one through their grief is what truly matters. By showing empathy, understanding, and patience, you can help them navigate this incredibly difficult journey of healing and remembrance.

Suicide Support Hotlines:

Call or Text 988 https://988lifeline.org/